DOES HAIR MAKE US WOMEN
If we lose our hair do we lose the essence of what it is to be a woman? What exactly makes us female? Is it our hair and breasts or is there more? Does having a well defined rack make us more attractive and does gorgeous thick hair complete the package? It’s funny how for so long that’s what I thought. I believed my femininity was tied to my hair, and when I started losing that hair, I thought I was unfeminine, unattractive, undesirable and no longer bore the distinguishing features of a woman. It’s a dark place to dwell…because it changed me. We start to REALLY lose the essence of being a woman when we lose our humanity, our compassion, our mercy, our love and concern for others and love for ourselves. We forget who we are inside because we are so busy concentrating on our physical beauty. It can bring out the worst in us as we begin to envy every man, woman and child with a fuller and more healthy head of hair than ours. We look in the mirror for our beauty and it seems as though it is slipping away…but is it because of how our hair looks? Couldn’t it be that we don’t recognize ourselves anymore because we have forgotten what being feminine is really all about? Have I lost that winsome quality that others find so appealing? Have I lost that glimmer of excitement and zest for life that my children have always loved about me and my husband always thought was such a turn on? Am I no longer concerned about the feelings and needs of those around me because I think my beauty has faded and I no longer consider another person’s worth because I myself feel worthless?
What if in the quest for the perfect head of hair, I erase the essence of myself until all that is left is darkness where my eyes used to dwell and all distinguishable remnants of my personality are gone, forever replaced by a stark shadow of what I used to be? Shall I dwell on what was, what I looked like and how I used to be, or will I begin to reassess my life, and breathe new life into my being? What does it truly mean to be feminine? I found it interesting when I looked up the word “feminine” in the online dictionary, that I couldn’t find a single definition with hair as a governing factor (or even mentioned) of what it means to be feminine.
Femininity comes from within and it springs forth softening the world around us. So if we shave our heads do we become less feminine? Do we begin to look more like a man?n’t believe we do, yet that is exactly what most women fear when they know they are going bald. I know I thought that way! I thought I would look ridiculous, unfeminine and maybe a little androgynous. But no matter how you slice it, we are women and can not look like a man if we tried! An Alopecian woman can and does break the mold of what the world often perceives as flawless beauty and femininity. In the modeling world, where icons of beauty are made, it is the woman with a distinct unique “flaw” that actually makes her more beautiful. Whether it is a large nose, huge mole, outrageous lips, slightly crooked teeth or strangely provocative eyes, it’s these outward characteristics that can draw others in…and it is the same for the Alopecian woman. Her outward beauty is just the doorway…enter into her world, and she will give you a glimpse of wild beauty, seductive allure, brilliant wit, an open heart and she will love you like no one has ever loved you before. Not because she is desperate, but because of her strength. She is a treasure beyond compare, and she will keep you coming back for more. Her heart is tender, and her arms are always open. This is flawless beauty and femininity and it is the perfection of an Alopecian woman.
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HAIR LOSS DOESN'T HAVE TO HOLD US DOWN!
So, what do you do when you begin to lose your hair? What happens when it starts to get so thin that it is not only noticeable to you but also to those around you? If we are feeling emotionally vulnerable because we feel ashamed of our hair loss, we can go into panic mode and just cover it up with a hat or scarf…but is that enough for you? Will that help you to move forward with your life despite losing your hair?
There are far more options available to us than ten or twenty years ago, and there is no reason for us to stay in panic mode for too long. With beautiful hats, scarves, wigs, hair systems, accessories and clothing, you can kick it up a notch and remake yourself. What kind of hair have you always wanted to have? What color? What style? We all do it…you know…wish we had someone else’s hair! When we have straight hair, we wish it was curly or wavy, when we have curly hair we wish we had straight hair. Blonde’s want to take a bash at being a brunette and brunettes would love to walk just one day in the shoes of a blond! Red heads usually love their hair, but then again EVERYONE LOVES THE WAY RED HAIR LOOKS! LOL
If you could remake yourself right now, what would you do? What would you wear? We spend so much time worried about what we can’t control, that we neglect and refuse to fix what we can control. We can get a chic new wig, wear some very stylish hats, buy new make up and accessories and become a diva if we choose to.
There is no reason for hair loss to hold us down. We can worry about our hair at home, but while we are out and about, we can look fabulous! The choice is ours and as Alopecians we have the right to not only change the way we look from one day to the next, we also have ability to blend in to our community or stand out.
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TO SHAVE OR NOT TO SHAVE?
Shaving our heads because of hair loss is a deeply personal decision that no one should pressure another into. I made the decision to shave my hair off because I couldn’t bear to see it lying every where. Waking up and seeing it in my bed, on my pillow, all over my clothes and even in the crack of my ass! Every time hair fell out, I was reminded of my plight and then I would go and search obsessively for thinning areas. My hair started to get really thin, and because I hated the way I looked in the mirror and the new texture of my hair which was no longer soft or beautiful, I shaved it. It was a way of taking control of my hair loss, and bringing closure to my emotional pain. It actually allowed me to begin the healing process, because I was no longer concerned with how much hair was falling out and when it would stop. I stopped it! In shaving my head, I found over time that I actually look pretty baring my dome. You couldn’t have convinced me of that five years ago, but when I finally brought closure to my hair loss, I was able to see new possibilities for my life.
I always loved my hair and it was so long and beautiful…it framed my face and I could style it according to my mood. I would just about throw up getting so nervous every time I would go for a haircut, and I would sit there ready to pee my pants if the stylist took just a little more than I told her to. My hair was everything to me.
Well, after deciding to stay bald and not let my healthy hair that is left grow back in, I sat and looked in the mirror for a long time. I took everything in about my head, eyes, nose, lips, ears and neck. I looked for my beauty, and holy crap did I start to cry! I realized at that moment that with out my hair, there are no distractions to take away the curve of my nose, the hue and depth of my eyes, my peculiar shaped ears (which my grand baby inherited from me), the softness of my skin and the overall beauty of my face. How come I never noticed before? How could a “bad hair day” bother me so much back then, when my hair was never the attribute that made me beautiful?
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SELF-ACCEPTANCE IS A HARD MISTRESS
I always think of self-acceptance as a “Hard Mistress” if I am not married to it. In our lives during the times of hair loss, we may “mess around” with self-acceptance, but never fully commit to it. This makes self-acceptance a mistress instead a life long lover and partner. We make self-acceptance a temptress, seductive and alluring, but always some how just beyond our reach, calling on her when we are bored with what we have chosen to “marry” and be our life long partner.
I, like so many other people out there chose to “marry” the acceptance that the world and society said was right for me. She was that perfect beauty, ageless, flawless, always fun, carefree and rich. I chose her because everyone around me told me that she was worth it, and that I would be happy if I espoused her and embraced her. But on my wedding night I found that she was not at all what everyone told me she would be. She was cruel, harsh, demanding and full of contempt for my imperfections. She was impatient with my frailties and found them to be totally unacceptable. She mocked me for not looking like the “beautiful people” and said I was less than worthy when I needed her most. Her love for me was based only on what I could give her and how I could make her feel and she gave nothing in return. Her love was an illusion and her beauty faded. I began to avoid her, isolating myself and retreating from all her friends. I feared rejection from her so I kept trying to please her!
But along came this mistress called self-acceptance. She could look deep within my soul and see me for who I was. She had a way of making me feel so special and when I was with her time stood still. She was wise, caring and knew me so completely. When I gazed upon her, it aroused me to be a better person, filled with passion, drive, courage, and life. But she wanted more than I was willing to give and I wasn’t willing to leave the one I married. Feeling hurt, my mistress retreated and hid from me. One day I was filled with jealousy because I saw her with another lover! What could I do to have her back? How do I tell her that she means more to me than the one I chose to marry?
Shall I go home to the one I married, miserable and defeated? Or shall I find my mistress and take her once again and make a committment to love her and adore her…to cherish her and show her just how much she means to me.
She will accept nothing less than that, and that is why she is such a Hard Mistress.
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