When my husband and I first got together we were great together. I was so confident in myself that I had found such a great guy. Then after we got married everything changed.
He told me that he was in love with his old girlfriend and that I would only always be number 2 in his life compared to her. He would also tell me that I wasn’t as pretty as the women in his porn tapes or my friends. All of a sudden my whole world changed. Everything was different, Now I HATE MYSELF! And what’s worse is my body just went through pregnancy!
I hate watching TV. I wont hang out with my girlfriends, on account my husband wishes I looked like one of them. I hate going to the mall or anywhere there might be pretty women. Im so afraid that he’s comparing me. That was 3 years ago.
My husband is a completely different person now, and tells me that he wishes he could take it all back. He tells me everyday that he loves me and only me and that Im beautiful to him. But Im still crushed and everyday getting worse. I don’t know where to go or where to turn. I forgive him for hurting me so badly...I think, but the fear of him hurting me again, or just lying to me to make things better eats at me 24/7, and...I STILL HATE MYSELF!
We are not intimate much anymore and we fight a lot about that. I know that somewhere inside me the old me wants to come back out and I want to love myself again but my fear of his lies keep that part of me buried. I don’t want to lose my marriage. I love him so much... Where do I go from here?
