It started February 13, 1998. Women are ten times more likely than men to be victimized. Battered women have more than twice the health care needs and more costly than those who have never been battered. Women who were victimized as a child are more likely to attract men who are abusive or they are abusive themselves. Every day four women die in this country as a result of domestic violence. Every 9 seconds in the U.S. a woman is assaulted or beaten.
As a child of twelve I was a victim of child molestation. In a foster home, as a teen, I was physically abused. Seven years of my life, I endured physical, sexually, verbal abuse from an abuser. Finally escaping, I found myself attracted again to an abuser. Not looking for the warning signs, I spent nine more years of my life in another abusive relationship. I decided I wasn’t going to let that happen again.
I was awakened on my birthday with my husband singing happy birthday to me. He whispered happy birthday in my ear.
Five years ago I met a man that was unlike any of the men I had ever been involved with. He intimidated me at first. I almost passed him by because I was afraid of getting into another abusive relationship. He told me stories and I questioned if they were true, I was so used to being lied to. Some how this man was different and I felt it was so right. He was laid back and didn’t let much upset him.
We laughed and talked and it felt good. We wanted the same things in life happiness, loving each other, and working together to achieve those things. We had good communication. He told me the truth about everything even if he felt I wouldn’t like it, he was honest. He was so none abusive in any way.
He encouraged me to do the things I wanted and not to do anything that I was uncomfortable with. He encouraged me to be myself and go after the things he knew I wanted. I now know the true meaning of love, and loving. With so many accomplishments in the past five years, I am a lucky person to have such a wonderful husband.
Watch for warning signs and steer away. Some of the signs to watch for are:
Intense jealousy of friends or family.
Yelling shouting and intimidation.
Controlling behavior and persistent put downs.
Shows severe mood swings.
Has poor self-image and blames others for problems.
Unemployed.
Shows cruelty to animals.
Abuse of alcohol or other substances and other unexplained behavior.
It is so easy for women that have been in abusive relationships to attract men and be attracted to abusive men. Women stay in abusive relationships for many reasons.
Where will I go and how will I support myself?
So emotional torn apart that nothing seems real and you can’t think rational anymore. Mental abuse has left you at rock bottom.
Fear that your partner will follow and stalk you.
Fear of emotional damage to children.
Not being able to find a job.
Ties to home and belongings.
Fear of the unknown.
Don’t let yourself be a victim. Get help and get away from the abuse. There are safe homes and help lines for abuse victims. Have a happy ending like I have.
Phyllis Benton author of Living Nightmares of Abuse.
